On My Way.

In the Invitation to Love, I speak to the concept of faith. – For me, faith is like love, it’s perfect in aspiration, but imperfect in application.  -And similar to love, the foe of faith is shame.  Shame is regret metastasized.  Shame is what hinders progress, growth, and breakthroughs.

Since the time of first writing my book, I have experienced a number of moments where shame or regret has seeped into my system.  What I learned in writing my book, and continue to work to master, is that on the other side of shame is redemption.

Redemption is the activation of faith – knowing that mistakes, missteps, and poor acts each come with an opportunity for recalibration, realignment, and yes, redemption. To be clear, redemption is not necessarily the return to something of old, but it is the applied lesson of old set to something new.

In the case of a relationship with another that was marred by mistakes, redemption is not necessarily the restoration of that relationship, but may, in fact, be the lesson(s) learned from that relationship in the birth of something new.  Understanding this truth can be the start to disempowering shame.

The anecdote to the shame is the act of trying again. It is the act of trying to love ourselves again, when our best selves have become foreign to us. It is the act of trying to love another, when our past experiences have left us pained. It is the act of trying again when the last attempt ended short of success.

In the days of late, I have had some moments (minor, but notable all the same) of regret and shame from acts that are out of alignment with myself – at my core. But also, in the days of late have been great moments of pride when I look back and see how I have activated love and initiated faith in my attempt to apply lessons, try again, and recalibrate.

So know this for sure, while you might not have the relationship you desire, the peace you require, or be the version of yourself that you aspire; be keen to honor you are on your way. We are on our way each time we work to silence shame, by trying again with faith and love as our journeymen.

Nothing to Lose.

We are living in some of the most dynamic times I have ever seen in my life. During this season, joy, awareness, and truth are all being birthed. At the same time, pain is rising, relationships are finding themselves strained, and long-seen challenges are rising to the surface. 

In recent days much consideration has been given to mental health: offering grace to those in need of it, offering compassion. – While those gifts are deserving to be bestowed on others, we must first bestow those on ourselves.

I have witnessed first-hand the verbal and physical abuse that can be activated by others plagued by depression, wrecked by the disease known as being bi-polar, and resistant to acknowledging the blind spots that derive from low self-worth. As a child, I had no mechanism to protect my own spiritual, emotional, and physical health; but as a an adult, I must take full responsibility for the space I allow others to take up, for the ways in which I allow myself to be treated, and the ways I allow others to let words slip from their tongue toward me that are emotionally violent.

No sickness: alcoholism, depression, low self-worth, or emotional instability gives anyone permission to show up in ways that make vulnerable our spirit, that put our emotional energy in peril, that further activate pain, and don’t call to our greatness, our beauty, and our inherit worth that was granted not by a human, but the Divine.

Boundaries are not harsh, boundaries are not mean, boundaries are not selfish, boundaries are love. You and I are great, powerful, gifted, and created to spread light on this earth. However,  to protect those truths, the environment we create for ourselves in our friends, in family (by birth and chosen) must speak to the things in which we are. When others are unable, unwilling, or not in agreement of the truths I named (for myself)– I must let them go.

I can only allow someone to speak  to me in a way that is less than loving once – that first time was their burden to carry – the second time though, that is where I must own my responsibility for awareness in already knowing what people can offer and what they cannot. 

I now lovingly decline apologies. I decline apologies offered by others who have not first offered an apology to themselves. An apology to oneself looks like therapy, it looks like a mental health evaluation by a clinically trained psychiatrist, it looks like rehab for addiction, it looks like group therapy for anger, it looks like making active change in one's life when jealousy is the anchor for one’s poor behavior – these are just a small number of examples in a laundry list of many.

One time is too many, two times should never happen. The first  time a person calls  you out your name, using their lips to spew hate, using their hands to curate harm is too many… – But there is no excuse: childhood neglect, bi-polar disorder, alcohol/drug abuse, depression, low-self-worth that should allow that to happen again. There are clinicians, medications, facilities, and a host of other interventions that can prevent a second occurrence.  If people can powerfully decline help, then I can powerfully decline their apology and let them go. 

Remember, in letting go of harmful people, letting go of broken people, letting go those who use low self-worth and depression as a response to poor behavior – let them ALL go. Because you have nothing to lose, by letting go of what does not serve your highest calling. 

In all things, toward all people (most importantly yourself) move with LOVE. 

I Tried My Best

The other day, I received the nicest note about The Invitation to Love. The note came at the best of times, I had been having a week, where lets just say I was finding it very easy to be hyper self-critical. - that note though, served as a reminder of the fact that God offers daily the opportunity for us to see the love within our imperfections, those so called "flaws" serve to make us imperfectly perfect. Over the weekend, I was with family and my mom looked at an old picture of herself from 30 years ago, she said you know I was a pretty girl. -she said the words in such a way as if she did not know it at the time.

I think we can all relate to that, those moment where we finally look at the past version of ourselves not in constant guilt and regret, but from a place of pride and self-love. What I pray is that we can find the ability to do that in the presence rather than hindsight, in that ability pure and perfect power resides.

My ego happily offers me those areas of "constructive feedback" constantly of how I can be uptight, regimented, and judgmental - all those things might be true, but beyond ego, there is God who knows I am trying my best. It's the gift called Grace that we are given every minute of every day if we have the courage and self acceptance to receive it...it's the humble recognition that I am trying.

So, my goal now is this, is to look at the present and the past, accept my mistakes, and with eyes closed, take a deep breath and say, "God, I tried my best." -Amen.

Cheers!