I remember when I first began dating as an adult, I would workout, stress about what to wear, stress about what to say, read books on dating – all trying to get to the place of perfection to woo the heart and affection of another. When a guy would not call, I would call; I would hound him to the point of being overbearing, self-sabotaging what could have been a naturally good moment and potentially a healthy dating situation because of my “smothering” behaviors. Many times, my pursuits were reciprocated with interest. At those times, I would lose interest, no longer wanting to engage with the person and making up excuses for my behavior, when in actuality, I was not emotionally available myself.
This fear of abandonment resides in so many people, reflected in continuous questioning of our partners, and self-blaming /critiquing until we become a harbor of hate within ourselves. We look to a relationship, or the validation of a man or woman whom we deem cute enough, personable enough, or rich enough, to emancipate us from our self-hate, when in truth, the only person who holds the key to the prison of loathing we reside in is ourselves.*excerpt from the book, The Invitation to Love
*excerpt from the book, The Invitation to Love