Recalibrate

Many who know me well, know that I have a love hate relationship with the gym. I hate going, but once I am there I find love in the experience.  A couple of weeks ago, I notice my clothes were getting a little tighter, and my love for comfort food was starting to grow, perhaps it was the change in seasons, or schedule, whatever the case, the pounds were starting to come on.

I soon recognized that my level discipline in the gym was not what it once was, I was starting to get in later and later, staying for shorter and shorter amounts of time. Rather than get upset with myself, or become worrisome about my sudden weight gain, I took a deep breath and said, “its time to re-calibrate.”

For me, that is the crux of what makes success possible, my life feel filled with purpose, and my urge to quit wane.  It’s my understanding that in life, I am bound to have moments where I gain weight, do not perform at the level I should/want, and nurture my relationships in the ways I espouse, but like all of us, I have the power and the wherewithal to re-calibrate.

In my book, I use the word Grace, but by any word you so chose, its basically the ability to check, to rectify, and correct.   To re-calibrate means that I have managed enough self-worth to know that I have the ability to make change happen, coupled with the self-awareness to know how.

So, whether your tempter is food, your finances, friends, and/or family, know that until our last breath is drawn, our ability to re-calibrate at some level is there.  Autumn is upon us, the seasons have changed, and we are all invited to see what “changes” (or re-calibrations) we need to make to allow joy, and our full self-expression to manifest powerfully. 

Complex Order

The other day I did a reading of my book for a dynamic group of men and women (I will share more about that at a later time). At the reading someone asked me if I was single, I paused answered yes...it's my Achilles heal question, because I asked myself everyday in the process of writing my book, "who the hell am I to write a book on love?" -but in powerful moments of faith I kept trudging along...and through the completion of the book, and feedback/reception from others, I have come to see being single as less of a lack of experience and more a testament to a truth of life, love and prayer.

Today, I was watching a Facebook post of a friend. -she had posted a video of a man sharing about a recent experience at a restaurant. He placed his order, all the people at his table were brought their food, even a table next to his with a group who came in after him, were all served before him. In a space of frustration he asked the server why he had still not been served, the server replied, your order was complex and took longer for the cook to prepare.
In that moment he had an epiphany, he realized that the greatest prayers of life are answered at a rate that is in direct correlation to the complexity of the request.

In a tangible illustration, take a young Barack Obama, let's say he prays for an Ivy League educated woman, who loves hip-hop, is strong in her core beliefs, oh and in the future, when she is 48, she will be on the Ellen Show doing push-ups like its a piece of cake....you see in metaphorical terms his prayer is a "complicated order" thus, not surprising they were well into their 30s when they married.

So whether, it's marital status, job status, physical status, or whatever the prayer, know that often times the time required for response is in direct proportion to the complexity of the request.

Now, more often than not, I sit in a place of contentment, in faith (not conceit) that the prayers upon my heart have not falling on deaf ears, but on the ears of a Cook who needs a little more time to fulfill the order of my request.
 

Number Twenty-Three

Like me, I am sure you have heard the story of Michael Jordan being cut from his high school varsity basketball team in ’78, what I did not think about though, until recently, is the larger lesson there for us to consider when thinking about one of basketball’s all time greats.

In The Invitation to Love, I speak about possibility, and the idea of speaking to others potential.  I shared in one story about my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Whitt.  Recently, I got a card from Mrs. Whitt after she learned that I had mentioned her in my book.  After all these years, the love I have for Mrs. Whitt and she has for me is still there. She spoke about how she was not surprised to find where I had landed in life, and spoke of her pride in me.

As I read the card, I reflected on my days sitting in her class, and I also reflected on the story of Michael Jordan.  Both my teacher and Jordan’s coach, I am sure, knew the power and potential that we both had to contribute to our respective field…for Jordan it was on a court, for me, a classroom.  –but what the teacher and coach did not do, was allow the potential and possibility of the future, to compromise the truth in the realities of today.  – that’s a lesson, a large one at that!

You see, I have mastered the practice of telling people they are great, my admiration in who they are, and my confidence in what they can contribute to the world. What I have not been as skilled at doing, is taking that possibility in potential and complementing it with descriptions of current day realities.

Michael and I were both people with potential, and we needed teachers (and coaches) who reminded us of the possibility of what we could become. Beyond the pep talks, encouragement, and hope in our future selves, what we also needed was realistic articulation of our current performance.  It does not serve Michael well to brag on his skills on the court, when in all reality he is not ready, and/or able to perform at his fullest potential. Similarly, it would not have served me well for Mrs. Whitt to say how bright I was, and not remind me that I was failing classes in school.

Life is all about lessons. Now, I pause before offering my praise of someone else. I question, am I speaking to their possibility while giving accurate space for their current reality, or am I glossing over areas of ineffectiveness, bolstering the ego of others, to the detriment of them having an accurate understanding of themselves.  Love is in the truth, and diluted versions of the truth are diluted versions of love.  With our kids, partners, and with ourselves, we need to take time to love ourselves enough to delight in our accomplishments, give gratitude in our potential, and at the same time remain humble like that famous number twenty-three and know when I current performance (or the performance of the ones we love) is not at varsity, its not their season, and practice off the court is required for their true greatness to emerge.